It was brought to my attention over beer the other night that I haven't posted anything to the blog in a while. Os even knew the date when I last posted - I didn't even know that. Hmmm Os, stalker much? ;)

Sorry for being so neglecting of my faithful readers, all four of you but I haven't had much to write about as of late and for the most part have been making brief updates to Facebook.

Anywho, I have cleaned and moved out of the great apartment I had with the WONDERFUL closet space (I had a closet specifically just for shoes - a girl's dream) and the cute balcony with the squirrel that used to come by and visit. I have 90% of my "stuff" in storage and my Sperry bags packed with a few minor exceptions of small things that need to go in last minute.

The time is rapidly approaching and then I really will be out of touch for the summer. All Crystal Lite care packages should be sent to Sperry Chalet ;)

Today I have plans for a short hike, then I will be spending the next two days with Os and his family attending the viewing, mass and funeral (if you don't know what I'm talking about jump over to Os' blog).

Will try to update at least once more before I go. Have a fabulous summer kiddies, I know I will and will be sure to post a ton of photos when I come out of the back country.

I had a dream about my dad this morning and woke up in tears.

We were dancing and in the dream I had my feet on his like little girls do.

Suddenly he just stopped and walked away and my mom appeared and said "I never could figure out why he didn't make time for you."

Sad.

It's Official

I got the job. I'm leaving the end of June to go work for the summer at Sperry Chalet.

I can't tell you how excited I am. Yes, it's completely hike in. Yes, it's totally remote with no cell phone, no Internet. Yes, it's surrounded by mountains and glaciers that I love and yes!!! There are no cell phones or Internet.

Did I mention that I'm excited as the day is long?

I have wanted to do this for years and everything just kind of fell into place this year. It's such a great opportunity for some serious exposure to the backcountry of Glacier. I will be working every day of the 11 week season but there is still time to hike during the day, at least a little. That is one of my goals this summer, to hike EVERY day. Other goals include being a hard worker and a good example, with a positive attitude and sunny smile but hiking every day!?! Can you believe it???

Eeeee gaaaaaads!!!

I'm in heaven!

Aww blog, I haven't meant to neglect you. You know how life just gets in the way sometimes. And then there are the nights when you're so mentally tired from the day you just don't want to do anything but veg.

Plus I've been getting up at 5:15 every day to get to the gym. It makes for an early bed time.

A possible opportunity is coming my way this summer that I'm extremely excited about. I'll update when I know more about that subject. Remember, the brave may not live forever...

The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.

Couple of things....

Happy Birthday MJ!

---

A week after my dad died my friend DWG's mother passed away. We haven't spoken much since those two events, couple of messages back and forth etc.

I guess I haven't felt much like being the social butterfly. I would imagine that he feels the same. Anywho, DWG, if you are reading this know that I am thinking about you and am here whenever you need me.

---

I don't want to sound like a broken record but you hear people say after the loss of a loved one that they would want just one more minute, one more day. It's true. What I wouldn't give for one more minute to look into my dads eyes and tell him that I love him and for him to know that its true and sincere. I miss him!

New diggs

As you may have noticed things have changed a bit here at the Smoking Redhead Club. (freakin' HaloScan)

It turns out that HaloScan (grrrr) decided to shut down, forcing me to export all of my comments.

Once that was done I found out that Blogger & HaloScan (*&$%#) don't currently have a system to inport all comments back to Blogger plus my old HTML had stripped all of the old Blogger code.

It turns out that it was easier to just go with the redesign than try to put all the code back into my current template.

Now I wait with all my exported comment files for Blogger to implement a tool to inport comments.

I'm sorry that I've lost all of your old comments for the moment but feel free to leave new ones ;)

Edit: Ya know, I think I really like the redesign. Its growing on me. I find it a lot more cheerful and serene than the other and I kind of need that right now.

I find it strange that my life just goes on as it always has. Its been 2 weeks since dad passed away and it doesn't yet seem possible that the man who raised me isn't still sitting in his chair, waiting for me to call.

My dad wasn't perfect but I always knew that if I needed him for anything he would be there. He would drive across country to pick me up if necessary, anything for his little girl.

The sadness washes over me in gentle waves at random times. Out of the blue a memory will pop into my head, mostly of his last days. Sometimes just the realization that he's gone will drive by and wave.

I miss him! I miss the knowledge that he was there. It seems like we sat in his hospital room for days, watching the progression that seemed so subtle to us all but seemed so rapid to the doctors and nurses. Then at that final moment it was over so quickly. Too quickly. One last breath and that was it. I just wish I had a little more time ya know?

“Prohibition cannot be enforced for the simple reason that the majority of American People do not want it enforced and are resiting its enforcement! That means so, the orderly thing to do, under our form of government, is to abolish a law which cannot be enforced. A law in which the people of the country do not want enforced!”

-Fiorello La Guardia (former Mayor of New York) 1937.

I've discovered that I like Facebook better since it lets me control who sees what. Nice!

Bad dreams

It is my dear friend dwg's birthday today.





You are the best friend anyone could ask for and I am so lucky to call you mine.

I hope you have a fabulous birthday ( I know, even though you're sick and life seems kind of rough, and I'm not there to party with).

I love you big guy!!

Constant headache.

I can't seem to make it go away. No matter what I take or what I do. I can keep it at bay for a brief time but it always comes back.

I've tried Excedrin, no luck. I thought I was possibly dehydrated so I've been drinking water like a mad man, nothing. I've tried caffeine. I've tried a combination of Excedrin and caffeine or caffeine and water or migraine meds with water or water and chocolate.

Seriously, I've tried everything I can think of. I dug out my glasses. No luck. I've tried the settings on my computer, nothing.

Uugghh, I'm about at the end of my rope.

Ha, I haven't tried a rope yet.

It felt like home away from home. The Christmas tree was still up in the corner and the view off the balcony was a winter wonderland with the river running through it.

I couldn't imagine a better New Years Eve than spent with friends at the b & b. The food was great, the booze was great, the company was even better and the setting, perfect. I think the highlight though was going sledding in the dark. An absolute blast I tell ya. Oh, and the fireworks were pretty cool too.

A nice rocking chair by the fire and a warm comfy bed to crawl into in the wee hours of the morning.

Welcome 2010!

Goodbye 2009

I got miles of trouble spreadin' far and wide
Bills on the table gettin' higher and higher
They just keep on comin', there ain't no end in sight
I'm just holdin' on tight

It has been an interesting year. Great at times, bad at others. As most days, months and years go. I have been so fortunate in ways. I live in an area that I love and have people in my life that I love. Through the good times and the bad times they have seen me through.

I got someone who loves me more than words can say
And I'm thankful for that each and every day
And if I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face

Os has been an unfailing friend to me. Since my move to the Flathead we haven't had the opportunity to see each other hardly at all. Usually my trips to Helena are occupied with someone who needs my attention a little more than Os does. Fortunately for me he knows that even though we might not get a chance to stop and have that beer, I still love him.

But if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave
You just might make me believe

Since the first time I met him DWG has been as kind and generous as any friend could ever be. He gives of his time and his heart and anything else he has that I need without question or reservation. Recently he sent me an email with an extremely generous gift attached. I don't know how to possibly thank him enough for the friend he has been to me.

It's just day to day tryin' to make ends meet
What I'd give for an address out on Easy Street
I need a deep margarita to help me unwind
Leave my troubles behind

Recently I decided to apply for a job back in Helena. If I get it the move is a positive one for a variety of reasons. My mom is taking care of my dad full time now and the burden is not going to get easier. Plus, Jess and her little man are back there and every day that passes is a day of his life that I'm not going to get back. He's not old enough to know it now but soon he will be. Because of that, if God leads me back to Helena, I will go. However, it is not without a heavy heart.

But if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave
You just might make me believe

Which brings me to K. What to say about K. I am very fond of him. He will be my one real regret about leaving here. Sure, we will still see each other and there will be trips back and forth just like before but what I really hope for is...

if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave
You just might make me believe

Spokane, WA
May 20, 2010
Spokane Arena
with Tim McGraw

Wanna go?

The blackness surrounded me, blacker than anything I'd ever experienced before.

I could see the other divers above me in the faint light from the surface and started to swim upwards toward the boat.

The harder I swam for the surface, the further away it seemed to get. I could see the silhouette of the boat but could not seem to escape the blackness around me.

Just as I started to panic, I woke up.

Life has been somewhat difficult the last week or so. Not fatal disease difficult or bankruptcy difficult but hard, ya know?

This year at work we were promised a Christmas bonus. This is all "they" have talked about since September, how nice it will be to give the staff Christmas bonuses this year.

Well, long story short. I counted on this, believing that there was a Santa Claus. So much so that I decided this was a good time to pay off any remaining debt for the end of the year, credit card, etc. Foolish, foolish girl!

~sigh~ As you can probably guess, the bonuses didn't come. And, they're not coming. This combined with the fact that I paid off everything to start 2010 debt free left me with a meager balance to the old bank account.

I had to make the call to my parents and let my mom know that I wouldn't make it home for Christmas this year. My mom was disappointed that I would miss what could easily be my dad's last Christmas with us all.

Granted, I have some options but not playing with those accounts is the reason that I have it. It's not for big screen tv's or expensive vacations or even trips home for Christmas. It's so I don't have to eat cat food when I'm 80, know what I mean?

Well, don't fret dear readers. There is light in the darkness and yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. The friend who planned to come home with me for Christmas this year said to me, "I'm going to Helena for Christmas this year. I don't know where you will be but its going to be awfully awkward if you're not there to introduce me to your mom."

Don't ya just love happy endings? Brings a tear to my eye every time.