Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I find it strange that my life just goes on as it always has. Its been 2 weeks since dad passed away and it doesn't yet seem possible that the man who raised me isn't still sitting in his chair, waiting for me to call.

My dad wasn't perfect but I always knew that if I needed him for anything he would be there. He would drive across country to pick me up if necessary, anything for his little girl.

The sadness washes over me in gentle waves at random times. Out of the blue a memory will pop into my head, mostly of his last days. Sometimes just the realization that he's gone will drive by and wave.

I miss him! I miss the knowledge that he was there. It seems like we sat in his hospital room for days, watching the progression that seemed so subtle to us all but seemed so rapid to the doctors and nurses. Then at that final moment it was over so quickly. Too quickly. One last breath and that was it. I just wish I had a little more time ya know?


Jonathan said...

Just stumbled on your blog, and reading it made me cry. My father died in December of 2008. Yeah, right there with you. Just knowing he was there and could pick up the phone, even if I didn't call... I still feel like there is a small hole in my universe, somewhere, that just never leaves. I still grieve, but more gently. It gets better over time, but you probably know that. My condolences.

Tepid said...

Found your blog due to Os. We lost grandpa a few weeks ago. Passing doesn't normally affect me, but his did--i think primarily because of my own regrets. He'd been without the love of his life for 6yrs, and he's been battling various cancers for some 17yrs. but as you mentioned in one of your posts...i wish he'd waited a few more months--there was so much i was waiting to tell him.

Hugs to you. I'm certain that I will feel very similar to what you are feeling when it's my mom's time. they suffer no more, they left us with loads of memories to hold in our hearts, and we have opportunities to share their character, their stories, with others.

Peace be unto you...