The blackness surrounded me, blacker than anything I'd ever experienced before.

I could see the other divers above me in the faint light from the surface and started to swim upwards toward the boat.

The harder I swam for the surface, the further away it seemed to get. I could see the silhouette of the boat but could not seem to escape the blackness around me.

Just as I started to panic, I woke up.

Life has been somewhat difficult the last week or so. Not fatal disease difficult or bankruptcy difficult but hard, ya know?

This year at work we were promised a Christmas bonus. This is all "they" have talked about since September, how nice it will be to give the staff Christmas bonuses this year.

Well, long story short. I counted on this, believing that there was a Santa Claus. So much so that I decided this was a good time to pay off any remaining debt for the end of the year, credit card, etc. Foolish, foolish girl!

~sigh~ As you can probably guess, the bonuses didn't come. And, they're not coming. This combined with the fact that I paid off everything to start 2010 debt free left me with a meager balance to the old bank account.

I had to make the call to my parents and let my mom know that I wouldn't make it home for Christmas this year. My mom was disappointed that I would miss what could easily be my dad's last Christmas with us all.

Granted, I have some options but not playing with those accounts is the reason that I have it. It's not for big screen tv's or expensive vacations or even trips home for Christmas. It's so I don't have to eat cat food when I'm 80, know what I mean?

Well, don't fret dear readers. There is light in the darkness and yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. The friend who planned to come home with me for Christmas this year said to me, "I'm going to Helena for Christmas this year. I don't know where you will be but its going to be awfully awkward if you're not there to introduce me to your mom."

Don't ya just love happy endings? Brings a tear to my eye every time.