More from the local police blotter...

3:22 a.m. A mountain lion was seen near Rhodes Draw in Kalispell.

12:44 p.m. A man who was disrespecting his grandmother was taken to jail.

1:53 p.m. A man in Hungry Horse can’t seem to find the words to communicate with his neighbor. He has replaced the standard wave with his middle finger.

3:12 p.m. A soon-to-be divorced couple had a verbal dispute over living arrangements: She wants him out and he wants to stay. One of the two had also removed all the doorknobs in the home.

4:30 p.m. A man in Coram called in to report that his neighbors keep giving him “the bird.”

5:34 p.m. An ex-girlfriend of a man in Hungry Horse keeps driving by his house and honking.

8:56 p.m. A concerned citizen called in to report a couple on a bench engaging in some heavy petting.

Life in the fast lane...

(accounts from the local police blotter)

10:28 a.m. The driver of a horse and buggy called in to report a driver that swerved in front of him and yelled “get into the 21st century!”

2:44 p.m. A baby cow was standing in the middle of Farm to Market Road.

2:45 p.m. A man ate a doughnut in a Kalispell grocery store and didn’t pay for it.

4:01 p.m. A very thin and old horse lives on Foothill Road.

4:15 p.m. A Whitefish woman called in to report that she went home to find that someone had stolen one of her stuffed animals.

5:11 p.m. A bear sneaked into a Bigfork resident's garage and stole a bag of trash.

9:40 p.m. A man called in to report that his wife was being verbally abusive. They decided to sleep in separate rooms for the night.

11:58 p.m. A woman called in to report that her ex-husband had sent her a mean e-mail.

1:03 a.m. A man on Shady Lane got angry and threw things.


Yeah, its kind of a sleepy little area but thats one of the things I like about it ;)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Inbox

"By the way, I want to THROTTLE my husband right now - he is being a big giant waaah waaaah tantrum baby and it ain't helping nobody over here. If I acted that way.......he would be screamin' at me to grow up.

If I were you, I would take a blood oath to never marry again upon pain of death."





LMAO!!

Jobs

Me: I know you made ice cream for a while

He: Yep, I was a creamiar. I was a derriere

Me: LOL, you were a derriere huh?

He: Uh...

"My Boys" will be boys

The guys are all sitting around watching the game when the batter gets hit in the head with a 90 mph fast ball. They immediately start talking about who could take it and how he was a "pussy", after all "he had a helmet on!"

This, of course, leads to the batting cages. LMAO!

The guys decided to see who could actually "take it." It started out at 45 mph, each guy taking a turn and upping the ante with each round. LOL! By the time D__ took an "85er" to the head and was knocked out cold I was practically rolling on the floor....

My three year old niece...

Me: You are a goof ball

She: Nuh uh, I don't have balls!


I love little kids. They are so much fun to play with when you don't have to keep them.

The same could be said for men.
;)

Happy Friday!

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the
winners:

• Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which
  renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.


• Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
  lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.


• Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.


• Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people
  that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
  unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


• Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.


• Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
  and the person who doesn't get it.


• Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
  running late.
Finally, a solution!


• Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.


• Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is, like,
  sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
  explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.


• Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through
  the day consuming only things that are good for you.


• Glibido: All talk and no action.
I know some of these people.


• Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
  smarter when they come at you rapidly.


• Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance you perform
  just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
And I've done this.


• Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
  gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


• Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Does anything more really need to be said?

Have good weekends and be safe!

"Ladies and gentlemen...I'm touching the beast"

Oh my gosh, that still cracks me up!